6. if i be wrong

Some of you might remember that I take one polaroid per week as part of my reflective journal… each polaroid is then dated and transcribed with a word which reflects something of that week. I try and make these images targeted, rather than beautiful or reflective of a highlight - it was inspired by Barbara Bassot (2013) writing in The Reflective Journal, Bassot suggests that photography can be directed towards that moment, for instance capturing calm scenery on a stressful week. I like the way of framing this as something that you need rather than a more literal photography of how this week has looked.

I continue to feel authentic (whatever that is?) through these methods, both my polaroid and my typewriter do not allow for mistakes, they are unrelenting and somehow that makes them feel truthful. They both give clear physical imprints, how hard I press the keys or how steady I hold the camera will directly affect the product. It is this physicality that I become excited about within contexts of contemporary dance and choreography.

I had a revelation today about my polaroids. 

I’ve had a very busy week with full-on rehearsals, a bunch of calls for outside of work things, some applications/deadlines, waiting to hear from other things - and spending most nights studying in the library after work. So, today when I came to take my polaroid I wanted to reflect this, we had a storm in Denmark and so there is a palpable energy in the air that I wanted to capture.

I took the above picture in the storm, on my way from grabbing lunch at a cafe, picking up my new book which just came to the library and having to be back at rehearsals shortly. My polaroids do not turn out so well when they have to come on walks with me, the best ones can be sat face down on a table for 20 minutes directly after capturing them. But of course far too often, time is a luxury and I haven’t put aside the time I need - so they are swept up in my pocket (this time in a literal storm) and get a bit manhandled in their crucial processing window before they can settle. You can see it in the top left hand corner that I have made a finger print on the image as I transferred it from my pocket to a table when I got back to work.

I then went back to look at some of my previous polaroids, for many of the rushed polaroids there are defects on the images, often fingerprints or white marks around the edges. And then - I got really excited. These defects serve as a direct reflection over the speed of my week in that they only really appear on busy weeks, when there was not time to let the polaroid sit undisturbed. They begin to embody a physical capacity and I become able to more deeply recall and reflect on why I have not had time in these weeks: what has been propelling me forwards and has it been been at a speed that felt too fast or out of my control. 

They give me something, but I hope they can also perform for the outsider who is unfamiliar with their context. The handmade amateur-ness of them to me feels that it can show their vulnerability. It can hopefully charge them with a physical energy. After all, even something which is messy can point to a valuable and important revelation.

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‘If I Be Wrong’ - Wolf Larsen, Quiet at the Kitchen Door, Track 6